I’ve decided to take a break from writing for awhile.
There’s a lot behind my decision to call it quits. Some of it is personal. Some of it is health challenges. A lot of it is related to finances that I no longer have in order to be involved enough in gaming to keep up. The end result is that I’ve lost my energy and motivation. I no longer know why I write, or what the point is. There’s no payoff, no apparent future, and I feel as if my work is no longer a means to get me to where I had hoped or envisioned that it would. Writing regularly just for the sake of writing isn’t worth it anymore, and when you get to that point, it’s time to re-evaluate what you’re doing and make changes.
This isn’t to say that I’m stopping for good, of course. There may be the occasional post here and there, and I’m still going to be active in social media. Maybe a layoff will recharge my energy and I’ll resume writing after awhile… but I think that it’s time to be realistic about what I’m doing and how I’m spending my time. I’m not going to be the next Andy Eddy or Dan Amrich, as I wanted to be when I started writing over a decade ago. I think that I have to accept that I can write on my own terms and without expectation, but that a future of being a professional writer just isn’t in the cards. That’s OK.
I look back fondly on my successes. I thought that I was going to get close to fulfilling my dreams when my writing got me into E3 last year, and then when the KmartGamer project got going. I can proudly say that Google-searching my name returns a ton of results, many of which are related to my writing “career”. I have been fortunate enough to chat online with many of the same people who I look up to and who inspired me to write in the first place. I am proud of the fact that, despite not being a long-term writer with any one site, I’ve managed to be somewhat visible in the gaming community… even if my views did earn me a few enemies along the way. I’ve been flattered to be in the same conversation as Michael Pachter at times, and touching base with Mr. Pachter and with Jesse Divnich and hearing that they’ve read my words was remarkable.
The successes are great, but have ultimately led me nowhere. I’ve failed to make any contacts to further my writing or even remotely believe that I can get a “real” job as a writer. My analysis work over the past few months was heavily based on having access to NPD data, which I no longer have (and certainly cannot afford to obtain otherwise). Writing reviews isn’t possible without money to buy the games with, and unemployment puts a crimp on that. Removing both of those writing forms reduces me to news writer, which is a position that I strongly dislike (because everyone does it). That leads me to making the decision to step away, at least for awhile, and think about whether this is still a worthwhile venture to pursue.
Thanks to all of you who have read this blog over the years. I’ve pulled no punches with the posts that I’ve put up here, and I’ve worn my emotions on my sleeve. I really do care about console video gaming… a lot. The content hasn’t always been consistent, and there have been a lot of changes, but I always did it with the hope that a few people might like my work or even agree with it. Every so often, I may post something new here, such as impressions of the new Tiger Woods game or info about some retrogaming items that I add to my collection… but updates won’t be posted with any kind of schedule or regularity.
It’s been a long journey. I had hoped that it would end differently, but I have no regrets.